Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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