If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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