I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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