i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
