I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
