Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Drake has all the answers
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
