I wish my penis had an off switch
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
