Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
