he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
