You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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