Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
