Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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