So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
