If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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