Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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