dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
