I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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