I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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