I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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