I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
