Who did Billy Mays play for?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
