I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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