U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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