Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
barbara walters just said penis...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
