Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
