he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
