why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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