Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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