paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
