Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
