girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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