I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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