i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
