Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
