I skipped work to stalk him.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
