saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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