just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
