This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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