I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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