Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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