When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
