hell yes lets make some ravioli
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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