im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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