So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
