It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
