WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
