Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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