sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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