this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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