So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
