Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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