I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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