i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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