The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
