A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
